The Reversible Achievement

In my very first blog post, I said that my passion in life is to find the balance necessary to achieve what we all desire: happiness and success, and not one without the other. While my passion has not changed, my mindset over this achievement has, especially within these past six months.

Recently, I’ve had many life changes: a new work promotion with increased work hours, a new romantic relationship, and new adult responsibilities. My personality does not generously give the adaptability trait, which means life transitions do not bode well with me. The transition time is longer, and the adjustment period is more difficult. This only means that patience is key, and that I have to work a little bit harder at regaining my footing. 

The first unbalanced situation I found difficult was my social life. I added an extra very special person, but didn’t add more new friends to my list. I was lonely.

The second unbalanced situation was my eating and exercise habits. I began to slack and slack and then slack a little too much, which really messed up my hormones and mental health. I physically felt like shit.

The third unbalanced situation was work. I was working too much on my short term job and not focusing enough on potential careers, hence the reason why my blog has been AWOL. I was not focused on the correct priorities.

The fourth unbalanced situation was my living arrangement. I was living alone on the far side of town, which definitely added to the loneliness. I was too isolated.

As I come out of this learning curve, I have realized that you can not maintain balance perpetually. It’s not necessarily an achievement, because achievement comes with the assumption that you have accomplished it and never have to accomplish it again, but it’s reversible. You can get close to balance, feel it for a bit, and then it will swing out again, because that’s what life is. You’re constantly adapting to new changes and situations, some worse than others, and chances are because you’re human you might fall out and you might fall hard. 

The key to a balanced life? Doing your best to stay balanced during a change. It’s not about achieving it and expecting it to stay. It’s about being willing to reevaluate and adjust accordingly, so that you stay as happy as you can all throughout life, not just when you feel perfectly balanced, because that’s a rare feeling for most. 

With this new mindset, I feel so much less pressure to achieve something that is impossible to maintain forever. I almost laughed at myself while re-reading my first post because where was the perspective at? My ambition was refreshing, but a little too naive. It’s time to grow up and start setting reachable and maintainable goals. Otherwise, I get too overwhelmed by my superpowers not working and wonder what’s wrong with me.

All in all, I’m still working on all of the situations listed above. I definitely feel more confident and ready than ever, and I know it’s just the beginning. I feel like life just gave me a little welcoming party, and I feel ready for the next change.

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The Freedom Emotion

If solitary confinement is an ultimate punishment, doesn’t that mean freedom is an ultimate reward? Freedom means having the power to independently control your own actions and beliefs. Freedom is not optional; it’s necessary. It’s necessary because without it, we can not define our individual desires, desires that contribute to our happiness in life.

Freedom, or being free, is a mental state, an emotion. Much like how feelings of love or hate guide your everyday decisions, so will freedom. If you learn to properly wield this emotion, it will mold your life into the perfect picture you alone choose to produce. As with any emotion, freedom comes from the inside, meaning it is as personal as your definition of love. Freedom is an emotion that originates from survival instincts, thrives off of love, and tramples the fragile. 

The ability to do what you want, when you want, and how you want is not something to cower over, it’s a thrill to pursue, however, there are three necessary tools to understand in order to enjoy the liberation without becoming overwhelmed with its capabilities. Self-confidence is vital, because you must have the fundamental faith in yourself crucial to making the decisions that no one else is qualified to make. Perfectionism is deadly, because judgement only derails your subconscious’s true intentions. It opens the doors to harmful emotions that will detrimentally impact important decision-making. Lastly, understand that freedom is powerful, and with great power comes great responsibility.

When there is nothing conflicting with your desire for control, and you have learned to heighten your capabilities to survive the real world of the free, you have given yourself the opportunity of true authenticity. This is the opportunity of a lifetime we all seek. It’s not that fancy job, not that travel discount, and not that perfect investment time. It’s the opportunity to be whoever you genuinely are. 

There’s an unstoppable yearning for the beautiful life that freedom provides, because of the intense self-development and understanding you are capable of achieving. You can look inside yourself without any expectations, restrictions, or predestinations to distinguish your own belief system without burdening yourself with judgement. It’s like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders, because it has. The world doesn’t own you. You own the world. You are free to search it, believe it, worship it, and love it however you please. You are free.

My Law of Love

What is love? Love is a law that governs the success of all types of relationships, but as with any law, it’s open to universal personal interpretation. This law is not predictable, but it is a law that is based solely upon your most abyssal instincts, which means that you, and only you, can define your own intrinsic perception of love. You may be wondering why I defined it as a law, if it is not predictable. Well I’m not talking about the Law of Supply and Demand. Love is a law, because it is a personal rule. However you choose to define love, will determine how you govern every aspect of your life.

My love is strong, true, and only survives on the essence of freedom. My love is a verb.

Its strength comes from the reflection of my own self-worth. The more I come to understand how to love myself, the stronger my ability to love others becomes. The more I come to accept all my flaws, the easier it is to accept others’ flaws. I have a stronger sense of empathy, because I have learned to understand the importance of my own feelings. I have a stronger sense of devotion, because I have learned what it means to be completely committed to myself. 

Its truth comes from a sense of respect. This means the consideration and courtesy to reveal my most authentic self not only to those around me, but to myself. When I put on a fake performance, I am a liar and a fraud. For what? Maybe because I am scared of what others will think of me, or maybe because I don’t actually like me. Why? Why do I need the validation? What don’t I like about myself? Why am I so scared of who I actually am that I have to hide? Because others around will judge? Because I have to be alone to find myself? Man up. Face yourself, and just be. The truth has a tendency to reveal itself no matter what, and the longer it has to wait, the more it will eat away at your spirit. 

My love’s survival depends on my ability to have freedom within myself and the freedom to be myself around others. It comes with the realization that I don’t need anyone, because I’m okay with being alone with myself. People in my life will come and go, but at the end of the day the only true constant is me. Placing a restraint on others because you need them tends to have the opposite effect. A true loving relationship comes with the understanding that you don’t need each other. Individualism must exist. You respect their desires, even if it were to come to them leaving you. It’s a suicide mission to try and be someone you’re not, and it’s utter murder when you try to force someone else to be who they’re not. Why is this unconditional love so important? Because it’s a core value attached to the life of the free, the happy.   

Love is a verb. You can throw the word around and define it as many times as you want, but at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is if you act truthfully upon your definition. If words and actions do not calibrate, there is a misalignment in your belief system. Only when you have wholeheartedly embraced your interpretation, will there be an equal amount of effort from both your body and your mind to achieve your truth. You’ll know when you’ve found it, because it suddenly becomes effortless for your mind to command your body. There is no fight, no struggle, and no war with yourself, because you’ve reached what you know to be your own, personal, individual composition of what your kind of love is. 

Paramount Principles

One day I saw a woman almost get run over by a car, and it got me thinking about priorities. 

Priorities define character. Unfortunately, most priorities are defined as simply urgent, instead of important. My job right now is urgent, but my career is important. My rent right now is urgent, but my savings account is important. Urgent tasks are short-term, whereas important are long-term. This concept is known as the Eisenhower Principle. Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower believed “I have two kinds of problems: the urgent and the important.The urgent are not important, and the important are never urgent.”

In order to successfully accomplish your goals, you must separately balance the urgent and important priorities. First, we must define the important priorities, and from them, stem the urgent.   

For me, health ranks number one. I need my body. I am my body, and I can not live without my body. That being said, it is necessary to maintain a healthy physique, as well as a healthy mind, in order to live to my fullest means. Urgent priorities would be doing my best to work out and eat healthy, as well as maintaining sound mental health.

Purpose is number two, which is directly related to relationships. Relationships give us purpose. This does not mean that one single relationship should be responsible for giving your life meaning, but rather it should be a foundation of personal connections, that together fill your life with love and purpose. Urgent priorities would be going out with friends, spending time with family, and being open minded about meeting new people. 

Next is time. According to Antoinette Bosco, “Time isn’t a commodity, something you pass around like a cake. Time is the substance of life. When anyone asks you to give your time, they’re really asking for a chunk of your life.” If everyday, people were constantly reminded of the day they were going to die, the world would be a very different place. Time is the most valuable asset and must be treated like so. Urgent priorities would be making sure you fill your day with activities that mirror this mindset, such as skipping reality tv time to read a book, setting achievable goals, as well as cutting out the toxic people in your life. You simply don’t have time to waste on people and actions that are detrimental to your life.

Growth is also a priority. Self-development is vital for survival, because as we grow older, we need to evolve. Did you define your graduation day as the termination of your learning curve? Well heads up, you’re stuck in a learning curve for the rest of your life, some years just have sharper corners. With this important priority, some of the urgent priorities consist of learning to be open-minded, having deep and meaningful conversations, as well as educating yourself about the world around you. Take matters into your own hands. Train your mind to adapt, so you can survive those crazy corners stronger than ever.

The last priority is the most superficial, yet it lies at the foot of every single priority above: financial security. Can you afford the expensive organic foods? Can you afford a night out with your friends? Can you afford to take time off to work on yourself? Can you afford to travel? If not, the above important priorities can’t fall into place. Suddenly everything becomes urgent. Your current job is extremely urgent, your rent is extremely urgent, and it seems impossible to visualize long-term goals, because you’re stuck in this “only now” mindset. Apparently money isn’t everything, but isn’t it? In this modern world, money is security. We need it to satisfy our innate desire for stability and safety. If we don’t feel secure, all we can focus on is getting to that place of safety. It quickly becomes the most important priority, outing all of the other necessary ones.

Health, purpose, time, and growth are all very important priorities in life, however, without financial security, they are much more difficult to achieve. Urgent priorities are necessary for accomplishing important priorities, but they should never be defined as crucial, because it clouds your judgment on the truly necessary things to address. Balancing these two different distinctions is fundamental to the organization of a healthy lifestyle, as it keeps the paramount principles to happiness as a forethought, instead of an afterthought.    

The Year of the Tattoo

July: Quit my first job of nearly three years.

August: Moved to a new town; new school; new first apartment; new job.

September: Broke up with my high school boyfriend of nearly two years.

October: Promoted at my new job; inked with tattoo number one; joined a network marketing company.

November: Started my fitness journey.

December: Began work full-time; left the network marketing company; decided to take a gap semester in 2018.

These past six months have been a drama queen cluster of new beginnings, fresh starts, and life-changing decisions. What instigated it all? A mantra that I have adopted into every aspect of my life, so much so, that it is permanently tattooed on my body: No Love Without Freedom, No Freedom Without Love.

In July and August of 2017, my cozy, plastic body wrap of comfort melted before my eyes. Leaving a job I loved was difficult. Leaving my friends and family was heart breaking. Moving to a city where I only knew my sister was terrifying. Starting a job where I was suddenly the newbie again was humbling, and attending a massive university as a transfer student was extremely overwhelming. As horrifying as it all was, I had more freedom than I had ever experienced in my life, and I absolutely loved it. It was time to apply my mantra to every facet of my life. 

I had an unhealthy relationship, in which there was no unconditional love, and freedom certainly did not exist. So I walked away from it.

I came to the conclusion that you’re never going to feel truly free unless you love the most important person in your life: you. So I started practicing my self-love through exercise and healthy eating, one of the highest forms of self-respect. I’m finally free from the tedious shackles of self-consciousness; it’s an incredible feeling when you can look in the mirror and smile at your success.

The network marketing company that I was a part of for a couple months was an extraordinarily insightful experience, but I was not free. I had a mentor, who was responsible for molding and shaping me into the perfect clone, so that she could reap the benefits of my success. That’s a lot of pressure on me to be someone, even if it is someone I want to be. I need the choice. I need to feel free, and I need the person who’s guiding me to not have a selfish manipulative agenda. Of course I’m going to need some guidance in my life, but how am I supposed to trust a mentor who does not actually have any pure emotional attachment to my well-being? I didn’t have a choice but to be manipulated to the intense benefit of someone else, so I walked away. 

The past month that I have not been in school has been one of the best months of my life. My appetite for knowledge is now colossal. All I want to do is read, read some more, write, and listen to as many wise, successful people as physically possible in a day. I actually have the choice to wake up and educate myself or not, and as a result, my love for even just comprehending information has increased tremendously.

It’s human nature to desire freedom. We don’t like expectations, restrictions, or predestinations, because it conflicts with our internal desire for control. Without control, we feel powerless and small, which is unsettling to some, but infuriating to others. In case you can’t tell by now, I’m in the infuriating category. I can not find love in something unless I have the choice to find it, and I will never find the amazing freedom that is possible without unconditional love. For someone who values their freedom as much as I do, this ideology is vital to achieving happiness. I need freedom in my personal relationships. I need freedom in myself. I need freedom in my career, and I need freedom in my education. There is absolutely no freedom without love, and no love without freedom. 

 

50,000 Rainbows

I have synesthesia, a condition in which my brain perceives certain letters or numbers associated with particular colors. For example, the letter E is light blue, the letter M is purple, and the number 7 is yellow. You probably read the words “I have synesthesia” with no colors involved. However, when I read those words, I saw “I have synesthesia.” The interesting thing about my brain’s perception phenomenon though, is that I can control whether or not I see letters and numbers in color. I could see them as it is in the real world, or I can choose to see according to my own color scheme. It’s like flipping a switch from black and white to color tv.

The days when I choose to use my color abilities are drastically different from the days I choose not to. For one, it is less mentally draining when I choose not to. Think of how many letters and numbers there are all around you 24/7. Now imagine all of those symbols being colors. It’s like having 50,000 rainbows invading your brain. The second difference is my mood. Even though it is more exhausting, when I choose to see colors I find myself in a more optimistic state of mind. The colors bring a different level of energy, passion, and feeling.

Why should I make the choice to see the world in a more positive way? It seems like an obvious question, but is it really? Does being positive outweigh the effortlessness of negativity?

Negativity has the crippling effect of narrowing your mindset. Remember the worst fight you’ve ever had with someone. Remember how your emotions completely overtook you and your body fell victim to outright powerlessness? Verbiage control: gone. Physical control: gone. Emotional control: gone. That’s the incredible potential of negative emotions. They close you off from the world, limit your abilities, and inhibit your mind from seeing other options. It’s human nature to react in that way as a survival instinct. You shut down mentally in order to focus on surviving physically. However, being in that state of negativity all the time has horrible repercussions to the mind. We all have that one person in our life who constantly complains about everything but does nothing about their situation. They’re so enveloped in their negativity they can’t seem to make anything out of their problem. For them, it seems there is no possible solution, as their mind is so closed off from the opportunities in front of them. It’s easy to be negative, because it’s hard to fight human nature when life throws you uncomfortable emotions.       

I believe that the first thing to accomplish in a healthy lifestyle is a positive mind set, because with a positive mindset comes a more open mindset. A positive mind is more receptive to the knowledge and criticism necessary to grow as a person. A positive mind cherishes the little things in life, and a positive mind finds it easier to discover solutions. It is the first step to finding harmony.

Over time, I’ve learned that I don’t actually need to see all those colors to feel more optimistic, all I need is to make the choice to feel more optimistic. As soon as I made the independent choice of deciding to look at the world with an optimistic viewpoint, my self-motivation increased and my options seemed to broaden. Once you start to see the power of positivity, it’s hard to stop, with or without 50,000 rainbows.

Welcome to Finding Harmony

Balancing the BS.

Hello, globe.

My name is Emma, and I’m skipping the small talk.

I’ve been a monster ball of independence since I was five. My biggest fears in life are good liars, cruises, and spiders. I’m an introvert, but I thrive off of deep connections. My parents are the coolest people in the world. I will not let myself around those who intentionally make others feel small; I will love you unconditionally if you treat me with respect and the same kind of love. I value honesty more than anything. Talk down to me and I will talk down to you back. 

I want to achieve the wisdom of my father, the strength of my mother, the intelligence of my brothers, and the kindness of my sister. I’m going to be a successful business woman; I’m going to own a Steinway grand piano. I want to live in a penthouse in NYC, and I want to live on an island in the Caribbean. I want financial independence.

My biggest enemy is myself, but I’m not afraid of failure. 

I need freedom. I need choices. I need open minds.

In the spirit of transparency, I’m starting a blog because I want to be an author. I need to practice my art, so I’m going to write what I’m passionate about. My passion is to find the balance in life necessary to achieve what we all desire: happiness and success, and not one without the other. I will write about what I have learned so far on my journey, and I will search what to write about in order to further it. This blog is not only a stepping stone to my professional life, but my personal one as well.

I will dive into what is necessary to find the balance in life, meaning healthy relationships with people, work, food, exercise, and most importantly, yourself. I will explore the vitality of self-love and how it impacts every aspect of your day. There is no love without freedom, and no freedom without love. Welcome to Finding Harmony.

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